


The Fire to Guide You Home

by Im_The_Doctor (Bofur1)



Series: Culture Shock [5]
Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Alien Biology, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bittersweet, Companions, F/M, Fainting, Family Feels, Fear, Fever, First Kiss, Frostbite, Goodbyes, Hugs, Hypothermia, Life Threatening Illness, Major Character Injury, Major Illness, Multiple Doctors (Doctor Who), Nostalgia, POV Sarah, Requited Love, Reunions, Sad Ending, Search for a Cure, Sickfic, Timey-Wimey, Worry, all the feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-21 20:20:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3703975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bofur1/pseuds/Im_The_Doctor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>“When I heard the TARDIS, I came running—Is he alright?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No!” the other girl wailed. “I think he’s very sick—”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Let me see!” Sarah Jane commanded. She nearly faltered when she saw a different Doctor in the other girl’s arms. Sarah laid her hand on his forehead and immediately felt a shiver pass from him to her. She remembered how cool her Doctors always felt when she touched them, but this…<em></em></em>
</p><p> </p><p>In which Sarah Jane is reunited with the alien she loves, but not the way she wants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Fire to Guide You Home

**Author's Note:**

> I got the title from this:
> 
> "The world is so broken and sometimes it leaves you cold. And at times you can't feel the fire to guide you home. The demons will haunt you and try to steal what you know. But the angels, they brought you, and they're gonna hold you up. They're gonna hold you up. They see the fear in your eyes, heart sinks like a stone. 'Cause when you're afraid, it weighs on your soul. It's not easy, no. Finding the words to say. When you're feeling lost, you'll find your way."
> 
> Also, some mild spoilers for Classic Who episodes: "The Two Doctors", "Planet of the Spiders", and "The Hand of Fear". I own nothing related, but I hope you enjoy it!

Sarah Jane dropped her fork when she heard the sound. Leaping to her feet, she stared around with wild eyes, waiting for the blue box to appear. To her utter shock and joy, it did. He had returned for her, just as she’d imagined in all her dreams of the future. He’d seen her dreams in the vortex and he had actually come back!

“Doctor? _Doctor!_ ” she shrieked, bolting out front where the TARDIS stood with its doors halfway open. With reckless abandon she threw them open and then stopped short when she saw three people crowded around the TARDIS console. Two of them were shouting, hugging the third between them.

“What’s wrong with him, Jamie?” the girl was crying in dismay.

“I—I don’ know!” the boy, Jamie, blurted. “He _told_ us we couldnae catch th’ virus!”

“Doctor?” Sarah Jane blurted out, catching their attention. Jamie immediately abandoned where he stood for a more protective location, in front of the other two, and drew his knife.

“Who’re you an’ what’re you doin’ here?!” he growled. Sarah Jane had seen far fiercer things in her life, but she knew she needed to explain.

“I traveled with the Doctor. My name’s Sarah Jane Smith,” she announced worriedly, leaning to see past Jamie. “When I heard the TARDIS, I came running—Is he alright?”

“No!” the girl wailed. “I think he’s very sick—”

“Let me see!” Sarah Jane commanded, pushing past Jamie with such force that the Scottish lad didn’t attack in his surprise.

Sarah nearly faltered when she saw a different Doctor in the other girl’s arms—small and stout, younger than her Doctor, with a dark, slightly mussed mop of hair. Brushing aside his black bangs, Sarah laid her hand on his forehead and immediately felt a shiver pass from him to her. She remembered her Doctors, how cool they always felt when she touched them, but this…

“We need to get him inside,” she gasped. “C’mon!”

Jamie seemed to be the decision-maker when the Doctor couldn’t, but he hesitated.

“If I wanted to hurt the Doctor, I would have already so I could steal his beautiful time ship, wouldn’t I?” Sarah Jane snapped impatiently. “Now help me carry him!”

At last Jamie gave in, catching up the Doctor’s legs and muttering, “Victoria, get his arms.”

The other girl did so obediently and Sarah Jane supported the Doctor’s back between them, directing them into her house.

—

Sarah Jane sat by the Doctor’s head, stroking his hair carefully. “What virus has he gotten?” she asked in a low voice, trying to trick herself into thinking he was just sleeping. If his face weren’t so ashen and stoic, he might seem that way, tucked up in every thick blanket readily on hand.

“Something from Slaatis Nine,” Victoria responded, wringing her hands in a way Sarah Jane suspected this Doctor might. “He was trying to help the locals find a cure for it; he wanted to stop it before it wiped out one of their cities.”

“Can we catch it?” Sarah Jane wished she could say she didn’t have the sudden urge to pull back from her Time Lord friend, but that would be a lie.

Much to her relief, Jamie shook his head. “The Doctor said we couldn’t, only…” Realization was dawning on his face now. “…only _extrat’restrials_ could. That’s him.”

“Did he find the cure?” Sarah Jane felt anxiety kicking at her stomach. She didn’t want to imagine how she and the other companions would feel if the Doctor died.

Jamie glanced down and away. “That’s what he was doin’ in th’ TARDIS. Then he started gettin’ wobbly, droppin’ things an’ callin’ us other names: ‘Ian’, ‘Barbara’. Then he passed out. He musta pressed somethin’ on th’ console, cos it got us here to you.”

“Has he, ah, mentioned me?” Sarah Jane asked, trying to sound casual.

Jamie and Victoria shared a wordless look and Sarah Jane swallowed. She hadn’t even been mentioned _once_? Her disappointment at that thought was forced aside when she heard a low whimper from the man sprawled on her couch.

“Doctor?” Jamie whispered, leaning closer.

Pale green eyes slowly opened at his voice, but the Doctor still said nothing. Hoping to help, Sarah Jane poked her head into his line of sight.

“It’s okay, Doctor. You’re with me.”

The Doctor’s expression of confusion only intensified, cut sharply into his colorless face. “Is he the one you want…?” he questioned at last, his voice a slur. “That’s the one you know.”

Sarah Jane felt inexplicable dread trickle down her spine when the Doctor scanned her, his eyes heartbreakingly void of any recognition.

“Do you know me, Doctor? Please say you know me,” she pleaded brokenly.

The Doctor didn’t say anything, but he did cough suddenly and Sarah seized his hand in panic when she saw the puff of his breath in the air. His fingers were blue-tinted, so cold they almost burned hers on contact, but she couldn’t find the thought in her jumbled mind to let go. In the background she heard Jamie trying to console Victoria. Beneath his words, Sarah mouthed her own.

“Regenerate. Regenerate, _please_.”

More time passed in frozen silence, in which the Doctor’s shivering intensified to the point where he was shaking Sarah as well; it literally felt like her insides were made of ice and fear, her hands were almost completely numb, and she desperately wished she had any type of healing power to offer. The Doctor may have said that humans couldn’t catch this virus, but it sure felt like the opposite to her. If she could have found the strength, she might have thrown up.

“So, uh, how d’you an’ th’ Doctor…?” Jamie trailed off.

“How did I meet him or how did I leave him?” Sarah Jane looked up at him with a rueful smile, not bothering to blink away the tears blurring her vision. “It’s a long story, Jamie.”

She startled then, craning her head around as the sound of the TARDIS filled the air. But if the Doctor was here, who was operating the ship?

“Look outside!” she hissed at Jamie, whose knife was out in a flash. Before he could run to the window, _another_ blue box materialized in the center of the room. The door opened and Sarah Jane felt her throat close around her heart as the Doctor emerged. _Her_ Doctor, her first.

“Sarah?” Her Doctor looked taken aback to see her, though Sarah didn’t know why. Blinking a little, he approached, nodding curtly at the other two. “Jamie, Victoria. I’m the Doctor, a future version of yours, try not to be frightened and excuse me.”

Crouching down next to Sarah Jane, the Doctor requested gently, “I need you to let go of his hand.”

Sarah Jane opened her mouth to answer but could only sob.

“Sarah?”

Everything was real: the enstatite-brown eyes, the eloquent voice, the velvet and ruffles. Everything she had once loved about him was real, here in front of her.

“I can’t,” she managed to choke out at last. “My hand is numb.”

Immediately the Doctor repositioned himself and began the process of detaching her hand from the other Doctor’s. Sarah watched him as he worked, drinking in the sight of him.

“What are you doing here?” she breathed as he finished and clasped her hand between his own, warming it and returning her circulation.

“I’m here to inject myself with a cure.” He peeked up at her then with a hint of a smile playing at his lips. “It wouldn’t do to die before my time, would it?”

“But you wouldn’t die,” Sarah Jane protested. “You’d—”

“Regenerate? No, this Slaatisian virus suspends the regeneration cycle,” the Doctor explained quickly. “I’m not sure why, but it does. That’s why it was up to me—this version of me—to come back in time—well, back in time to me, forward in time to you—and give myself the cure so I could live to _become_ me. Does that make sense?”

“Yes,” Sarah Jane lied, too overcome with her emotion to bother sorting it out in her head.

“Hurry up an’ give it t’ him!” Jamie urged, reminding Sarah that he was there. Her Doctor rolled his eyes and carefully released her hand, to her disappointment.

“Jamie McCrimmon, always so impatient,” he huffed under his breath, withdrawing a syringe housing a glimmering violet liquid. He injected it into the other Doctor’s neck and winced, rubbing his own.

“That ached for days, but you’re safe now, aren’t you?” he sighed, studying his counterpart with what Sarah dared to think of as a grumpily-protective fondness. Her Doctor then raised his voice, directing his words toward Jamie and Victoria. “For the next few days he’s going to have some symptoms of very bad flu. It’s just his body trying to resynchronize itself. If I know you, you’ll take excellent care of him.”

Victoria lunged, taking the taller Doctor’s arm and helping him to his feet. “Thank you so much, Doctor!”

The Doctor squeezed Victoria’s shoulder. “Of course, my dear girl. Also, there’s no need to be subtle about hinting it was I who saved myself. I’ll need to know all the details if I want to discover the cure in my time.”

Jamie smirked. “Ooh, he’ll enjoy the tale of his…er, your heroics, won’t he?”

Sarah’s Doctor winked in return and Jamie laughed in relief, running a hand through his hair. “Ah, Sarah, you wouldnae mind helpin’ us carry our Doctor back to the TARDIS, would you?”

Sarah Jane jumped a little, glancing between the two Doctors, wanting to take advantage of every minute with hers yet wondering how quickly the others could leave without her help.

“I’ll do it,” her Doctor cut in, pulling his cape off his shoulders.

“What are you doing with that?” Victoria asked.

“Another gift I’m giving him,” Sarah’s Doctor replied, wrapping up the other, smaller Doctor in the folds as he lifted him. “It’s not the same as a recorder, but in these circumstances this is better.” He didn’t bother to explain what he meant and no one thought to ask.

Sarah Jane jumped up as soon as the three had stepped outside, running toward a mirror and wiping her eyes. She contemplated herself, focusing on taking deep breaths. What was she going to say to him? Could she say anything she had wanted to when she traveled with him? Did she even want to?

She didn’t move as his reflection returned and approached to stand behind her. “Sarah…” he murmured. “My Sarah Jane. I don’t know how far into the past or future this is, but I assume this is when you and I are no longer together?”

Gulping in another breath that didn’t help her, Sarah nodded mutely.

The Doctor processed this knowledge and ducked his head minutely, opening his arms. Whirling around, she flew into them without hesitation, breathing in his long-ago but forever familiar scent. Somehow he ended up kneeling to a better height for a mutual hug and Sarah was grateful for it. His hearts raced against hers and he was snug and warm around her, comforting—

Warm? Why was he _warm_? She pulled back, concerned. “Are you alright?” she tried. The Doctor ducked his head once more, exhaling shakily.

“I haven’t found UNIT yet,” he explained, his voice suddenly a weary croak. “I haven’t found you to say goodbye. I’m lost.”

Sarah’s jaw fell in her dismay. “You have radiation poisoning, don’t you?” It wasn’t a question she wanted answered, but she already knew. The change had come over his eyes now, a glassy quality that she’d scene before on one of the saddest whirlwind days she’d shared with him—pointedly, the last.

“I’ve seen _so many_ versions of you today, but so far I can’t remember them once I leave them. All I know is that they’re not the right one,” he whispered. “The TARDIS won’t take me where I want her to.”

“That’s no change,” Sarah laughed weakly, her hands tightening around his neck. “You…say you won’t remember this?”

“Even though it becomes part of my timestream, probably not.”

“O-Okay.” Sarah Jane wavered. “But will _I_ remember?”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay.” At last she mustered up the courage and kissed him, making him stiffen. It didn’t feel as she had hoped it would because she could tell he was feverish, but it was all she had and she wasn’t going to let herself regret it.

“I love you,” she blurted out. “And if you remember somehow that I’m telling you, know that it doesn’t change when you do.”

The Doctor’s rigidity eased then and his expression was rueful. “I _am_ dying then. I knew as much from the start.”

“I’m glad you know,” Sarah agreed, but of course neither of them was talking about the prospect of death. The Doctor prompted the next kiss, which was gentler and more lingering than the first, and then he drew himself away from her, stumbling toward the TARDIS nearby. It took everything Sarah Jane had not to claw at him, beg him to stay. That past self of hers would need to love him in his last moments, as well as beyond. That didn’t stop her from weeping bitterly as the last echoes of the TARDIS faded.

If she or the Doctor remembered the day’s events couldn’t be said, but they never spoke of it. Not when the Doctor found his path back to the right time miraculously simple, not when Sarah Jane was reunited with him several times, not even when death _was_ upon them. If anyone _did_ remember that sad, whirlwind day that was a few steps aside from the Third Doctor’s timestream, it would be the Second Doctor, who was weary of sickness and the rescue stories of his companions. He burrowed further into the velvet cape draped around him, slept and looked forward to wearing it himself.


End file.
